my favorite thing i’ve learned in college is that way back in ancient china there was this poet/philosopher guy who wrote this whole pretentious poem about how enlightened he was that was like “the eight winds cannot move me” blahblahblah and he was really proud of it so he sent it to his friend who lived across the lake and then his friend sends it back and just writes “FART” (or the ancient Chinese equivalent) on it and he was SO MAD he travels across the lake to chew his friend out and when he gets there his friend says “wow. the eight winds cannot move you, but one fart sends you across the lake”
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my favorite thing is when there’s like, a really gratuitous amount of flavor text on the side of a fast food package or bag. it’s always like
STEP INTO THE SHOES OF THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. OH WAIT, THAT’S RIGHT–THEY’RE YOUR SHOES. YOU HOLD IN YOUR HANDS A REVOLUTION IN A BIODEGRADABLE CARDBOARD CONTAINER. A CULINARY DELIGHT THAT ONLY THE FEW, THE CHOSEN ELITE, MIGHT BE SO LUCKY AS TO SAMPLE.
THAT’S RIGHT, CUPCAKE–LOVINGLY CRAFTED BY THE CHAIN THAT LINKS MANKIND TOGETHER, TEN THOUSAND FARMERS, TEN THOUSAND TRUCK DRIVERS, TEN THOUSAND CHEFS, AND TEN THOUSAND CASHIERS WORKED TOGETHER TO BRING THIS TO YOU. MADE WITH 100% ALL-AMERICAN ANGUS BEEF, FORGET WHAT THE BIBLE SAID. THIS IS ONE CASE WHERE IT’S MORE THAN OKAY TO GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION. WITH THE MOUTHWATERING DELICIOUSNESS OF THE NEW MCDONALD’S ® BEEFY, CHEESY, BEEF & CHEESE SLAMMER ™, WHAT’S TO STOP YOU FROM BECOMING A GOD?
